Announcement! Rich, tan people have discovered the secret mechanics of the universe! Nevermind the scientists with their 11 dimensions and string cheese theories; forget the yogis, the shamans, the rune casters, and the wise rabbis of yore… new age gurus have uncovered the secret wealth-and-health formula of the pharaohs and Rockefellers and made a movie with their findings. So begone bearded sky tyrants… humanity has the secret — and your number too.

Yeah, I know “The Secret” (2006) is a bit dated now, but I wasn’t making this comic yet when it was “revealed to the world,” so I’ve got some catching up to do. I wonder, now that it’s four years later, how many people who bought those secret books and videos are now yachting around the Caribbean lighting cigars with newly printed hundred dollar bills. Certainly the folks who wrote the books can afford to.